


Tourner Dans Le Vide

by songbirdofcolumbia



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, assumed one sided affection, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 10:40:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3064733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songbirdofcolumbia/pseuds/songbirdofcolumbia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Y-you've been spending a lot of time with Urie-san lately..."</p>
<p>Shirazu sighs and Tooru notes the tension that settles on his shoulders.  He feels sick for asking.  </p>
<p>"Yeah.  Work stuff, you know?" he answers after a moment of silence and Tooru feels sick again, but he can only nod.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tourner Dans Le Vide

He hates this so much. It makes his stomach twist and turn when he sees Shirazu with Urie, which is more often then he wants to admit. His stomach drops out and his heart leaps into his throat as if he's waiting for Shirazu to admit his undying love, even though the rational part of Tooru knows that won't happen ever. He can see how Shirazu looks at Urie when he thinks no one else is looking. He knows how Shirazu respects the former squad leader's strength and it makes Tooru sick.

Why can't he be stronger?

Shirazu is still friendly towards Tooru no matter the situation; he still allows Tooru to latch onto his sleeve and talk his ear off Tooru's in a talking mood, but he looks tired and agitated. Often times, Tooru finds himself trailing off in the middle of a sentence. 

"Yo, Tooru, what's wrong?" Shirazu asks one day and Tooru just shakes his head. 

"It's nothing. I'm just tired," is his weak answer. 

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"I know. Thank you, Shirazu-kun." But Tooru lets the subject drop into his lap and promptly tries to ignore it by getting up and excusing himself to bed. 

He tries to put it aside, but it gnaws at him from the inside out. His appetite suffers and so does his sleep; he loses weight he can't afford to lose and he can only smile when Saiko, Sasaki, and Shirazu fuss over him. 

"I'm fine, really." The lie rests heavy on his tongue, but he swallows the feeling down and it settles like lead in his stomach. It makes him want to throw up. All he's good for really is paperwork. He briefly considers confessing to get the rejection over with so life can go back to normal, but the thought leaves him in the bathroom, bent over the toilet and emptying his stomach.

He figures he would rather die than lose Shizaru's friendship.

Tooru is startled when there's a knock on his bedroom door sometime later and Shirazu opens it without waiting to see if Tooru is actually or dressed (or whatever). The gaming console (borrowed from Saiko to "cheer him up") he was playing on is dropped into his lap immediately so he could give the current squad leader his attention.

"Yo," Shirazu greets like usual and Tooru can feel his lips turning up in a smile. "You okay? You've been...sick a lot lately." That would be one way of putting it. 

"Y-yeah..." Tooru manages as he scratches behind his ear awkwardly. "Guess I've just been tired or something."

Shirazu knocks his knuckles against the doorframe and Tooru knows that his friend is trying to catch him in a lie. His gaze burns Tooru and he has to look away and down at the gaming console in his lap. Now would be a perfect time to spill everything. Shirazu wouldn't hate him forever, right? He swallows thickly and Shirazu shifts his weight. 

"Y-you've been spending a lot of time with Urie-san lately..."

Shirazu sighs and Tooru notes the tension that settles on his shoulders. He feels sick for asking. 

"Yeah. Work stuff, you know?" he answers after a moment of silence and Tooru feels sick again, but he can only nod. 

"M-must be a difficult transition, him being squad leader to you being squad leader." Keep the conversation going, keep it on Shirazu. 

Shirazu shrugs and Tooru catches the movement out of the corner of his eye. He almost doesn't catch the other approaching his bed (thank god he did or he would've fallen over from the shock). He jumps slightly as Shirazu's hand falls heavily on his head and ruffles his hair, unforgivingly. He grunts and is forced to sway along with the movement, but when he looks up at Shirazu, he can see that sharky smile and he can swear his heart stops. All he can think of is kissing Shirazu and ignore the consequences, but he can't bring himself to move. Shirazu's hand is like a weight on his head and keeps him in place.

And the look in his friend's eyes cause his heart to leap up in his throat. 

He doesn't expect Shirazu to stoop down nor does he expect the pressure or sensation of chapped lips pressed against his own, slightly roughly with a slight preamble of being gentle. Tooru wants to lose himself in the feeling and savor it. He wants to reach out and pull Shirazu close by that ridiculous jumpsuit so he can lose himself in the other's warmth.

Shirazu pulls away before Tooru has a chance to do any of that and he can only stare as he walks to the door and pauses.

"Sorry 'bout that," Shirazu tells him, his voice is thick and Tooru can only stare as his own words knot and tangle in his throat. Shirazu is out the door before Tooru can untangle his tongue to call him back.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry.


End file.
